I heard a bird sing in the dark of December

A magicial thing and sweet to remember:

'We are nearer to Spring than we were in September'

I heard a bird sing in the dark of December.

- Alex Hunter

No matter which of the December holidays you celebrate - or even if you celebrate none of them - this December holiday season can be either joyful or joyless, depending on how you approach it.

One secret to enjoying the holidays is this: KISS. [Though kissing is fun, and I highly recommend it, this is not what I mean here.] I mean KISS - Keep It Simple, Sweetie.

When I was younger, I dove into the holidays with all the zeal and excess I had learned from my family, from books, TV, and movies, from ads and commercials, from all the American cultural messages. I shopped too much, bought too much, spent too much, decorated too much, cleaned too much, cooked too much, ate too much, and did almost everything else too much. The result? I was exhausted, cranky, unhappy, broke, and a few pounds heavier. Sound familiar?

In recent years, I've listened to other messages about the holidays and have taken another approach: the approach of simplicity. It's all about streamlining, excising the excesses, trimming the fat, and most of all, focusing on a few simple pleasures that evoke true feelings of peace and joy.

The first thing to streamline is our expectations. We have too many of them, and most are based on fantasies perpetuated by the media. We have expectations about everything: the weather, our family and loved ones, the decorations, the food, the gifts, the parties, the entertainment. Quite often these expectations require a kind of perfection that just isn't realistic and doesn't happen. We expect too much - of ourselves and of others - and inevitably we are disappointed. The secret is to lower our expectations, or better yet have none at all. In his book, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, Eckhart Tolle talks about the peace and joy that is available to us when we live in the moment, not in the past nor in the future - accepting what is, as it comes. This is powerful stuff!

The next thing to streamline, perhaps, is our spending. We live in a culture of material excess. How many gifts do we really need to give? How much food and drink do we really need to be well-nourished and feel celebratory? How many decorations do we really need to brighten our holiday?

Another thing to streamline is the time we spend on doing things - shopping, cleaning, wrapping, decorating, visiting, just plain running around. We make ourselves frantic. We exhaust ourselves. What tasks or time-consuming events can we cut out, pare down, delegate, simplify, eliminate?

Below are some suggestions for ways to simplify and de-stress the holiday season. What other ideas do you have about how to do this?

Here are a few suggestions for de-stressing or simplifying your holidays:

• Take some time each day to do something relaxing, fun, and nurturing for yourself - walk, read, take a hot bath, listen to music, get a massage, etc.
• Streamline your gift list.
• When in doubt about what to give some folks on your list, consider giving gift cards and letting them shop for something they will truly use and enjoy.
• Simplify your holiday meals. Serve nutritious, healthy meals that are simple to prepare, festive to look at, and trimming for the waistline. Does anyone really need to eat or drink all that food - candy, cookies, fruit cake, eggnog, cake and pie, other excess carbs, and alchohol?
• Instead of doing all that baking and cooking yourself, purchase delicious homemade goodies through restaurants, holiday fairs, and local bakers.
• Simplify your decorations. Perhaps this is the year for a smaller tree, or no tree? Or fewer lights and other decorations?
• Having trouble finding the time to write holiday cards? Perhaps this is the year to skip them or to write New Year's cards or letters in early January?

One thing that causes extra stress at holiday time is all the extra money we spend. I am beginning to learn that there are many ways to enjoy the holiday season while spending little or no money; these are the simple pleasures of the season. Here are a few ideas. What else can you think of?

• Send email greetings, saving money on stamps and cards.
• Make your own giftwrap, using plain brown or white paper and paints, stamps, stencils, or stickers. It's a fun activity for kids too.
• Take a walk or drive in your neighborhood, town, or city in the early evening just to see and enjoy all the holiday lights and decorations.
• If you like music, attend some of the low-cost or free holiday concerts in your local area.
• Gather a group of friends and go caroling or have a sing-along in your home.
• If you live in a wintery climate, take a walk in the snow, make a snowperson, warm up with hot chocolate by the fire.
• For those special people in your life, create and/or do something personal just for them. Write a poem. Write and sing a song to them. Play your partner's special song and dance together in the living room.
• Give the gift of yourself, rather than giving something storebought - perhaps a homemade "gift certificate" for cleaning, cooking, yard work, a special project, babysitting, errands, or a massage.
• Play a game, do a puzzle, tell stories, or read aloud.
• Volunteer some time helping others - visiting shut- ins, serving a meal at a shelter, etc.

Take a quiet moment to sit down and think about how you can simplify and de-stress your holiday season. What changes could you make this year to make these December holidays relaxing, fun, and stress-free for yourself and for your loved ones?

For an estimated ten million Americans, the December holiday season is linked with sadness and depression, rather than with joy and merryment. There are countless books and articles linking depression with the holidays. But are the holidays really the cause of the December blues?

In the northern hemisphere, and especially in the northern half of our country, the holidays coincide with the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, the day and month when the least amount of sunshine is available to us. And lack of sunshine is known to cause a biochemically-based condition known as SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder.

I am one of those estimated ten million Americans, and perhaps you are too? It has finally occurred to me that instead of spending money on overdoing the holidays, perhaps I could spend it on special sunlamps or a trip to a sunny climate.

Here are some things you could do counteract SAD and chase away the 'holiday blues':

• On sunny days, get outdoors for at least 30 minutes during the brightest part of the day. Expose your face at least to the sun, and remove sunglasses, for a minimum of 20-30 minutes.
• Avoid wearing sunscreen in the winter months in northern climates unless you are outdoors for more than 30 minutes (e.g. skiing all day, etc.). This includes not using moisturizers and makeup that contain sunblocks.
• Upon waking in the morning, especially when it is still dark, turn on lots of bright lights in the rooms you are using, especially overhead fixtures with bright bulbs.
• On dark or cloudy days, keep bright lights on indoors all day.
• Purchase and daily use a light box or a light visor - designed specifically to combat SAD.
• If you can afford it, take a winter vacation in a warm, sunny climate during one of the darkest months.

How do you know if you may be one of the ten million Americans affected by SAD? Click on the link below to learn more.

New Year's Day is one of my favorite holidays. I love the symbolism of making a fresh start in a new year. I love the tradition of making New Year's resolutions, though my approach to this has been changing over the years. Let's look at three different approaches to the subject of New Year's resolutions. Which one best fits your style?

One. Make one or more traditional New Year's resolutions. A resolution is another word for a goal. Setting goals that we actually accomplish is an art. Many of us set ourselves up for failure when we make our New Year's resolutions. Why is that? Perhaps we make too many of them? Or we make resolutions that are not reasonable or that we are not really behind 100%.

As a coach, I work with people all the time on setting goals. Some secrets to setting goals that are successfully met are:

• Make one goal and a time and focus on that goal until it is accomplished.
• If your goal is a large one, break it down into smaller chunks or "baby steps".
• Be sure your goal is specific - clearly and simply stated.
• Be sure your goal is reasonable, realistic, and do-able in the time frame you have allotted.
• Be sure your goal is measurable in some way - how many, how often, how much, etc?
• Be sure your goal is related to a stated time frame.
• State your goal in a positive way. Say what you will do, not what you won't do.
• Set up systems of support for yourself in reaching this goal. Identify people and other resources that will support you in reaching this goal.
• Celebrate your successes, large and small, every day in some way.

Two. Another way to approach New Year's resolutions, instead of setting a specific goal or a number of goals, is to pick a theme for the year and leave the details to be worked out later. For example, your theme for 2006 could be any number of things - perhaps improving health, or having more fun, or building your business, or finding a mate, or whatever. Then just say to yourself, "This is my year for ___________". Keep the theme in the forefront of your consciousness and, even without setting detailed goals, watch the theme play out in your life during the year.

Three. For those of you who are tired of setting goals or making New Year's resolutions that seem to fizzle out before January is over, check out this new book, due out December 30th, from my colleague Stephen Shapiro: Goal-Free Living: How to Have the Life You Want Now! Or, check out Eckhart Tolle's book on The Power of Now. Perhaps this is the year to forget those New Year's resolutions and just life your life!

Whichever approach you use, make it work for you! If you are a planner, you can choose a theme for the year that defines your intention in a "big picture" way or you can drill down and set more specific and detailed goals that are SMART - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Reasonable, and Time- related. If you are more of an in-the-moment kind of person you can intentionally choose a year of goal- free living in the Now. Whatever you choose, have a wonderful 2006, full of successes, large and small, and many moments of peace, serenity, wonder, and joy!